Classic Oliver Quotes

Lights are out. Oliver is having a quick snuggle with Mama. Pip is attempting to settle in his cot nearby.

Oliver: Mama, why do children need to go to sleep before Mamas and Dadas?
Mama: Because you need to grow. You're doing a lot of growing at the moment.
Pip (from his cot): How do you get to Australia Mama?
Oliver: How do we grow Mama?
Mama: You go in a plane Pip.
Oliver: And not on a train or helicopter?
Mama: No, because a plane is faster.
Oliver: Why is the plane faster Mama? Is it really faster than a train on a race track?
Mama: Yes Oliver.

Mama shoots out of room before Oliver realises she hasn't answered his question about growing. During the bath we'd had a long conversation about why girls don't have willies (because they have boobies and have to feed babies) and why boys don't have boobies (because they have willies). The circular argument came to a grinding halt when Oliver asked why boys have willies and girls have boobies. Er, just because, Ol. It's complicated. Quick, into the bath you go!

Somewhere in the conversation Mama may have mentioned that you need two people to have a baby.

WHAT WAS MAMA THINKING? That is a slippery, slippery slope. With a large, sheer drop at the end. An amateur mistake made at the end of a long week. Please, please let him forget I ever said that.